Welcome to Alabama, where we regulate hemp like it's 1925 and moonshine is still running through the hills!
In a twist that only state legislatures can deliver, Alabama has passed House Bill 445 (HB445), a supposed attempt to regulate consumable hemp products. But as you dig into it, you'll start wondering if the lawmakers were more interested in winning a game of legislative Mad Libs than actually protecting consumers.
Don't get us wrong—there are some smart moves here. Making products 21+? Brilliant. Licensing for retailers? Sensible. But a cap of 10mg THC per serving and 40mg per package... and then telling people, "Yeah, just buy more packages if you want more"? That’s like banning refills on soda because you don’t want people to get hyper—while standing next to an all-you-can-eat funnel cake bar.
Let’s dive into this wonderfully contradictory, occasionally smart, and mostly hilarious piece of legislation.
The Good: 21+, Licensing, and Trying to Do Something
First, we have to give Alabama a little golf clap. Setting the age limit at 21+ for consumable hemp products is a no-brainer. THC—even hemp-derived—isn’t for kids. No arguments there.
Then there’s licensing for retailers, which adds a layer of responsibility and traceability. Requiring products to be tested by accredited labs and properly labeled? Yes, please. We love clean, clearly labeled THC.
Even having some form of statewide regulation is a step up from the Wild West approach, where you could buy a Delta-8 gummy at a gas station next to Slim Jims and Lotto tickets.
But that’s where the logic ends.
The Dumb: Arbitrary THC Limits That Help No One
Okay, Alabama, we need to talk.
10mg per serving and 40mg per package? Did someone just spin the THC Wheel of Fortune and land on "Mildly annoying"?
Here’s the thing: if someone wants 100mg of THC (which, for many experienced users, is not outrageous), they’ll just buy three packages. Congratulations, you just created more packaging waste and more trips to the store. That's not public health policy—that’s CrossFit.
This is eerily similar to Minnesota's early cannabis law, which also had arbitrary package limits and accidentally launched a thousand low-dose edible brands. The difference? Minnesota was at least trying to slowly integrate hemp and cannabis. Alabama's like, "Hey, let’s just copy Minnesota but make it more confusing."
Also, if someone wants to overdose on THC (hint: you can't fatally overdose, just melt into your couch for 6 hours), they don’t need a single 100mg edible. They’ll just open three bags and go to town. So what is this bill accomplishing? It's like putting a "Do Not Run" sign next to a Slip 'N Slide.
The Hilarious: No Smokables, But Drink Away
Under HB445, smoking or inhaling hemp products is banned.
That’s right. You can chug a 40mg THC-infused soda, eat a pan of gummies, and put a topical on your eyeball (please don’t), but you can’t light up a joint or take a puff from a vape. Why? Because... reasons.
Apparently, Alabama believes the moment you inhale something, it transforms you from a law-abiding citizen into Willie Nelson.
You can have a hemp bar stocked with gummies and beverages, but if someone pulls out a vape, the cops are on the way. This kind of prohibition doesn’t make hemp safer—it just pushes consumers to other, unregulated places to get what they want. Which brings us to...
The Harmful: Prohibition Creates Black Markets
Let’s be real. Wherever you put artificial limits and bans, the black market grows faster than mold on a bagel in a sauna.
HB445 restricts supply (only specific store types can sell), restricts product form (no smokables), and restricts dosage per package. Combine that with a 10% excise tax and you’ve got a beautiful recipe for underground hustle.
That tax might look good on paper, but in practice, it just makes legal products more expensive than what a guy in a hoodie can get you from the trunk of his car. Congratulations, Alabama: You just increased the profit margin for drug dealers.
Instead of bringing this industry above board with smart, realistic rules, the bill treats hemp like an invasive species that must be tamed and caged—preferably behind three locked doors in a liquor store over 14,000 square feet.
Yes, you read that right. Only stores over 14,000 square feet (or standalone CBD shops) can even participate. So good luck, mom-and-pop corner shops. Hope you're measuring your square footage with a tape measure from Home Depot.
The Funny: Regulation Theater
This whole bill feels like a high school play where everyone is trying really hard, but no one knows their lines.
"We want to protect public health!"
Cool, but you're allowing gummies and sodas with THC and banning flower, which is literally just a plant.
"We want to stop kids from accessing THC!"
Excellent, but kids don’t shop at dispensaries or read certificates of analysis.
"We want to regulate the market!"
Great, but you just created more demand for unregulated supply.
And don’t get us started on labeling. Products must include a QR code that links to lab results and a license number and a disclaimer and a bedtime story and a picture of Abraham Lincoln (okay, not really, but almost).
So... What’s the Point?
If HB445 was meant to look like action, mission accomplished. If it was supposed to actually improve safety, encourage responsible use, and create a sustainable hemp economy? Oops.
It punishes innovation, props up outdated fears, and does very little to actually protect consumers. The best-case scenario is that this bill gets revisited, revised, and restructured with input from people who actually know what cannabinoids are.
But hey, at least Alabama finally did something. Baby steps, right?
Until then, we at Nothing But Hemp remain proudly indifferent. We'll keep serving states that get it—and we’ll keep laughing at the ones that don’t.
Final Scorecard for HB445:
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21+ Age Restriction: ✅ Smart
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Licensing System: ✅ Good
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Testing Requirements: ✅ Necessary
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10mg/40mg THC Limit: ❌ Arbitrary and Pointless
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Smokables Ban: ❌ Silly
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10% Tax: ❌ Black Market Fuel
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Retail Space Restrictions: ❌ Anti-Small Business
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Beverage 4-Pack Limit: ❌ Arbitrary and Ineffective
Verdict: Half-baked with a touch of Minnesota, a dash of Reefer Madness, and a big ol' helping of "What were they thinking?"
Want cannabis policy that makes sense? Maybe don’t start with a 40mg limit and a vape ban. Just sayin'.
