Every once in a while, the dying gods of the old guard poke their heads out of their mahogany liquor dens, see the world changing, and immediately start freaking out like someone just unplugged their oxygen tank. That’s exactly what just happened over at the Distilled Spirits Council of the United States (DISCUS), who are now applauding a new effort in Congress to "close the Farm Bill loophole"—you know, the one that legalized hemp and kicked off a golden age of safe, legal, and creative THC innovation.
But let’s call it what it is: a tantrum from an industry whose relevance is slipping faster than your grandpa's boxers on laundry day.
Welcome to the 2020s, Grandpa
Hemp-derived intoxicants like Delta-8 and THC beverages are not a “problem.” They’re a solution—to alcohol dependency, to lack of consumer choice, to outdated laws, and to the decades-long domination of one of the most harmful industries in the country.
And yet, here we are in 2025, and the beverage boomers are still mad that someone made a better mousetrap.
They claim these hemp-derived products are dangerous. But let’s do the math:
140,000 deaths per year from alcohol.
0 deaths from regulated hemp-derived beverages.
(We’re not making that up, by the way—CDC data confirms alcohol causes more than 140,000 preventable deaths each year. That’s more than opioids. More than guns. More than car crashes.)
But sure, let’s panic about a 5mg THC gummy that makes you fall asleep watching The Great British Bake Off.
The Farm Bill "Loophole" Is Just a Law They Don’t Like
DISCUS calls it a “loophole” that needs closing. But what they’re really mad about is that Congress didn’t consult them first.
The 2018 Farm Bill legalized hemp and all its derivatives as long as the delta-9 THC level is below 0.3% by dry weight. That means Delta-8, Delta-10, HHC, and even microdosed Delta-9 THC beverages are all federally legal.
And that terrifies DISCUS. Because suddenly people have options. Options that don’t end in hangovers, liver damage, or getting ghosted after sending 3am tequila texts.
They want it shut down—not because it’s unsafe, but because it’s uncontrollable. And to them, that’s the worst thing imaginable.
Three-Tier System: A Fossil Still Wearing a Suit
Let’s take a moment to appreciate just how absurd the three-tier distribution system is in today’s world.
This system was created in 1933, after Prohibition ended. It was a compromise to prevent monopolies by separating producers, distributors, and retailers. The idea was to make sure no bootleggers ran the show.
But newsflash: it’s 2025, and the only thing bootlegging is DISCUS trying to smuggle prohibition-era thinking into the modern market.
The three-tier system now functions as a pay-to-play racket that benefits bloated liquor conglomerates and their exclusive distribution cronies. It kills small business flexibility, chokes innovation, and gives the old guys all the leverage.
Now DISCUS wants to slap that system onto hemp beverages?
That’s like forcing Spotify users to go back to buying CDs from Walmart.
“Unregulated”? Only If You Don’t Understand What’s Regulating It
DISCUS throws around the term “unregulated market” like we’re cooking meth in a storage unit. But most of the hemp and cannabinoid industry has already adopted strict voluntary standards:
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Lab-tested batches with posted COAs
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QR codes for traceability
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Child-resistant packaging
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Serving limits (typically 5-10mg per unit)
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State-by-state compliance frameworks
You want to talk “unregulated”? Let’s revisit the alcohol industry’s history of:
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“Flavored malt beverages” aimed at kids
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Caffeine-infused booze bombs (remember Four Loko?)
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Zero-dose control at bars
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Advertising that glamorizes blackout behavior
But sure, it’s our THC drink that’s the public threat.
Sorry, DISCUS, But You Can’t Copyright Intoxication
Here’s the rub: DISCUS and its cronies think they have a monopoly on buzzes.
They spent 100 years building an empire around one model: get people drunk, get them loyal, get them spending. And it worked. But now, people are waking up—sometimes literally—and saying:
“Hey… I like feeling good. But I don’t like hangovers, DUIs, or liver damage.”
And along came hemp. A safer, gentler, cleaner alternative that gives you the social benefits without the collateral damage. With 5mg THC, you don’t crash your car. You cancel your plans and order Thai food.
The New Cool Isn’t in a Whiskey Barrel
Cannabinoid beverages are giving people:
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Social lubrication without memory loss
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Relaxation without addiction
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Fun without shame
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Flavor profiles with actual innovation (move over, artificially flavored hard seltzers)
We're not just selling a product. We’re redefining a ritual. And that scares the hell out of a liquor industry that hasn’t had a truly new idea since someone dropped a worm in tequila.
DISCUS can’t compete, so they call Congress. That’s not leadership—it’s lobbying from the corner office of a sunset industry.
Congress, If You’re Listening: Don’t Be the Villains in the Sequel
In the first Prohibition, lawmakers outlawed alcohol and accidentally handed the market to mobsters.
This time, we’re watching prohibition cosplay in real time—only instead of Tommy guns, they’re waving spreadsheets and shouting about "safety concerns."
Don’t fall for it. If you care about public health, protect the innovators. Support the brands that:
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Test every batch
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Microdose responsibly
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Offer alternatives to destructive drinking
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Help build a new era of conscious consumption
If you want to help, make regulation smart, not suffocating.
Dear Booze Boomers: Compete or Retire
Let’s be blunt: DISCUS and its ilk had their time. They got fat off monopoly-era distribution networks, political donations, and brand loyalty rooted in advertising more than experience.
But now, they're the Blockbuster to our Netflix.
And instead of adapting, they’re demanding we return our streaming remotes and walk to a store.
If your entire business model falls apart because someone figured out how to make a chill beverage with hemp and creativity, maybe your business model sucks.
You want to stay relevant? Make a THC drink. Launch a cannabis division. Hire someone under 50 who knows what "CBG" is.
But if you just want to write angry letters and stomp your orthopedic shoes, we’ll be here—building the future.
TL;DR – This Ain’t Your Granddaddy’s Buzz Anymore
140,000 dead per year from alcohol.
0 dead from compliant hemp beverages.
One ancient liquor lobby, panicking.
We’re not breaking the rules—we’re rewriting them. For health. For fun. For choice. For the future.
So if you’re holding on to that three-tier system like a tattered security blanket and praying Congress will bail you out from irrelevance, we’ve got some advice:
Let go. The people have already moved on.
